69 Funny Confucius Says Jokes

Enjoy 69 hilarious and clever ‘Confucius says’ jokes that bring humor and wit with a playful twist on ancient wisdom. Perfect for a light-hearted laugh and sharing with friends.

Confucius Say Quote — 1. Confucius Say man who run in front of bus get tired, man who run behind get exhausted.

Confucius Say woman who put husband in doghouse, soon find him in cathouse.
Confucius Say man who go to bed with sex on mind, wake up with solution in hand.
Confucius Say man who walk with hands in pocket, feel cocky all day.
Confucius Say man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have crappy time.
Confucius Say man who stick dick in peanut butter jar, is fucking nuts.
Confucius Say man who fish in other man’s hole, only catch crabs.
Confucius Say man who want pretty nurse, got to be patient.

Confucius Say mans wife his better half, but mistress his better whole.
Confucius Say man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Confucius Say man who keeps feet firmly on ground, have trouble putting on pants.
Confucius Say foolish man give wife grand piano, clever man give wife upright organ.
Confucius Say man who stand on toilet, high on pot.
Confucius Say man with hand in bush, not necessarily trimming shrubs.
Confucius Say woman who sit on lap of horse jockey, get hot tip.

Confucius Say virgin just like balloon, one prick all gone.
Confucius Say man with tool in woman’s mouth, not necessarily a dentist.
Confucius Say man who fight with woman whole day, get no piece at night.
Confucius Say man who masturbate, may come in handy.
Confucius Say man who bounce woman on bed spring, have offspring next spring.

Confucius Say man who farts in church, sits in own pew.
Confucius Say man who tells one to many light bulb jokes, soon burn out.
Confucius Say man who get kicked in testicles, is left holding bag.
Confucius Say man who put cream in tart, not always baker.
Confucius Say man who run through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok.
Confucius Say man who pee on electric fence, receive shocking news.
Confucius Say passionate kiss just like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
Confucius Say woman who sit on brother-in-laws lap, make it hard for sister.

Confucius Say he who laughs last, think slowest.
Confucius Say mans last will, dead giveaway.
Confucius Say cross eyed teacher, cannot control pupils.
Confucius Say man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face.

Confucius Say man who walk with hand in pocket, having a ball.
Confucius Say when called an idiot sometimes better to be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.
Confucius Say man who get hit by car, get run down feeling.
Confucius Say man busy with tool in shower, not necessarily a plumber.
Confucius Say man who smoke pot, choke on handle.

Confucius Say secretary not permanent fixture, until screwed on top of desk.
Confucius Say takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
Confucius Say man who sits on tack, gets point.
Confucius Say pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously, something poked in fun.
Confucius Say man trapped in brothel, get jerked around.

Confucius Say man who pushes piano down mineshaft, gets tone of a flat minor.
Confucius Say man who suck woman’s boobs, make clean breast of things.
Confucius Say man who falls in furnace of molten glass, makes spectacle of himself.
Confucius Say man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Confucius Say man who eats crackers in bed wakes up feeling crummy.
Confucius Say man who jumps off bridge in Paris is in Seine.
Confucius Say man who stick foot in mouth often leaves with bad taste.
Confucius Say man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Confucius Say man who drives like lightning crashes like thunder.
Confucius Say man who writes with broken pencil has pointless thoughts.
Confucius Say man who tries to catch two rabbits catches neither.
Confucius Say man who tells half-truths creates whole confusion.
Confucius Say man who argues with barber always loses by a hair.
Confucius Say man who rows boat with hole ends up with sinking feeling.
Confucius Say man who plays with fire may find his plans going up in smoke.
Confucius say man who snores loudly gives others sound advice.
Confucius Say one in the hand is worth two in a bra.
Confucius Say man who sleeps with itchy blanket makes rash decisions.
Confucius Say man who throws clock, watches time fly.
Confucius Say man with mosquito on testicles, learn violence not always answer.
Confucius Say it’s good to meet girl in park, but better to park meat in girl.
Confucius Say man who ride bicycle into brothel come out with hot rod.