52 Funny Chuck Norris Jokes

52 Funny Chuck Norris approved jokes that are sure to put a huge smile on your face.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity… Twice.
1. Chuck Norris counted to infinity… Twice.
Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
3. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
4. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life there.
The quickest way to a man's heart, is with Chuck Norris' fist.
5. The quickest way to a man’s heart, is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four, in only three moves.
6. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four, in only three moves.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
7. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
8. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once dug a hole with a spoon. Also known as the Grand Canyon.
9. Chuck Norris once dug a hole with a spoon. Also known as the Grand Canyon.
Chuck Norris hits 11 out of 10 targets with 9 bullets.
10. Chuck Norris hits 11 out of 10 targets with 9 bullets.
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
11. Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife, with butter.
12. Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife, with butter.
When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't push himself up. He pushes the earth down.
13. When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn’t push himself up. He pushes the earth down.
Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird.
14. Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
15. Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
16. Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
You can't name a bridge Chuck Norris… Because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
17. You can’t name a bridge Chuck Norris… Because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
18. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck Chuck Norris? All of it!
19. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck Chuck Norris? All of it!
Chuck Norris died once… but he's OK now.
20. Chuck Norris died once… but he’s OK now.
Chuck Norris CAN understand women.
21. Chuck Norris CAN understand women.
Chuck Norris can make a fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.
22. Chuck Norris can make a fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and it killed 50 people… Then it exploded.
23. Chuck Norris threw a grenade and it killed 50 people… Then it exploded.
Behind Chucks beard there is no chin, only another fist.
24. Behind Chucks beard there is no chin, only another fist.
A Cobra once bit Chuck Norris, after 5 days of excruciating pain the snake died.
25. A Cobra once bit Chuck Norris, after 5 days of excruciating pain the snake died.
Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.
26. Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.
When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is OK.
27. When Chuck Norris calls 911 it’s to ask if everything is OK.
Chuck Norris kicked the earth once… It hasn't stopped spinning.
28. Chuck Norris kicked the earth once… It hasn’t stopped spinning.
Chuck Norris can sit at the corner of a round table.
29. Chuck Norris can sit at the corner of a round table.
Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund.
30. Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
31. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
What every sports player should say after winning? "First of all, I would like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."
32. What every sports player should say after winning? “First of all, I would like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing.”
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
33. Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
34. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can win an argument with his wife.
35. Chuck Norris can win an argument with his wife.

Related: 50 Funny Confucius Says Jokes

While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
36. While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
37. Giraffes were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a horse.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
38.Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can whistle in five different languages, including sign language.
39. Chuck Norris can whistle in five different languages, including sign language.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
40. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows, you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
41. Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows, you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence.
42. If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence.
When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get stronger.
43. When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get stronger.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
44. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.
In an average living room there are 1,342 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
45. In an average living room there are 1,342 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep.
46. Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep.
Before they met Chuck Norris, the Black Eyed Peas were simply known as "The Peas."
47. Before they met Chuck Norris, the Black Eyed Peas were simply known as “The Peas.”
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
48. Chuck Norris has a diary. It’s called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
49. Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed.
50. Chuck Norris won a staring contest with his eyes closed.
Chuck Norris once kicked Hulk in the face, so Hulk ran into the woods. He is now known as Shrek.
51. Chuck Norris once kicked Hulk in the face, so Hulk ran into the woods. He is now known as Shrek.
It took Chuck Norris only 2 seconds, to read this complete blog post.
52. It took Chuck Norris only 2 seconds, to read this complete blog post.

Carlos Ray Norris is an American martial artist, actor, film producer and screenwriter. After serving in the United States Air Force, he won many martial arts championships and later founded his own school of fighting named Chun Kuk Do. Chuck Norris is a black belt in Tang Soo Do, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Judo. Wikipedia

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