50 Funny Confucius Says Jokes
Confucius Says jokes are funny one-liners and have pretty much nothing to do with Confucianism. Confucius jokes often play on the double meanings of words.
1. Confucius Say man who run in front of bus get tired, man who run behind get exhausted.
2. Confucius Say woman who put husband in doghouse, soon find him in cathouse.
3. Confucius Say man who go to bed with sex on mind, wake up with solution in hand.
4. Confucius Say man who walk with hands in pocket, feel cocky all day.
5. Confucius Say man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have crappy time.
6. Confucius Say man who stick dick in peanut butter jar, is fucking nuts.
7. Confucius Say man who fish in other man’s hole, only catch crabs.
8. Confucius Say man who want pretty nurse, got to be patient.
9. Confucius Say before becoming master fisherman, must first become master baiter.
10. Confucius Say mans wife his better half, but mistress his better whole.
11. Confucius Say man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
12. Confucius Say man who keeps feet firmly on ground, have trouble putting on pants.
13. Confucius Say foolish man give wife grand piano, clever man give wife upright organ.
14. Confucius Say man who stand on toilet, high on pot.
15. Confucius Say man with hand in bush, not necessarily trimming shrubs.
16. Confucius Say woman who sit on lap of horse jockey, get hot tip.
17. Confucius Say virgin just like balloon, one prick all gone.
18. Confucius Say man with tool in woman’s mouth, not necessarily a dentist.
19. Confucius Say man who fight with woman whole day, get no piece at night.
20. Confucius Say man who masturbate, may come in handy.
21. Confucius Say man who bounce woman on bed spring, have offspring next spring.
22. Confucius Say marriage like game of poker, you start with pair and end with full-house.
23. Confucius Say man who farts in church, sits in own pew.
24. Confucius Say man who tells one to many light bulb jokes, soon burn out.
25. Confucius Say man who get kicked in testicles, is left holding bag.
26. Confucius Say man who put cream in tart, not always baker.
27. Confucius Say man who walks through swinging doors, going to bangkok.
28. Confucius Say man who pee on electric fence, receive shocking news.
29. Confucius Say passionate kiss just like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
30. Confucius Say woman who sit on brother-in-laws lap, make it hard for sister.
31. Confucius Say man who make mistake in elevator, wrong on so many levels.
32. Confucius Say he who laughs last, think slowest.
33. Confucius Say mans last will, dead giveaway.
34. Confucius Say cross eyed teacher, cannot control pupils.
35. Confucius Say man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face.
Related: 22 Inspirational Confucius Quotes
36. Confucius Say man who walk with hand in pocket, having a ball.
37. Confucius Say when called an idiot sometimes better to be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.
38. Confucius Say man who get hit by car, get run down feeling.
39. Confucius Say man busy with tool in shower, not necessarily a plumber.
40. Confucius Say man who smoke pot, choke on handle.
41. Confucius Say man who eat many prunes, get good run for money.
42. Confucius Say secretary not permanent fixture, until screwed on top of desk.
43. Confucius Say takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.
44. Confucius Say man who sits on tack, gets point.
45. Confucius Say pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously, something poked in fun.
46. Confucius Say man trapped in brothel, get jerked around.
47. Confucius Say man who sneezes without tissues, takes matter into his own hands.
48. Confucius Say man who pushes piano down mineshaft, gets tone of a flat minor.
49. Confucius Say man who suck woman’s boobs, make clean breast of things.
50. Confucius Say man who falls in furnace of molten glass, makes spectacle of himself.
Keep laughing: 52 Funny Chuck Norris Jokes
